This post is made with the intention of providing support to you as you support your child through this difficult time.

We encourage you to talk with your child. How we, as adults, manage ourselves serves as an important model for helping kids handle tragedies like this. It is important that they know they are loved and supported as they talk about their feelings.

Tomorrow morning our teachers will discuss with each class this loss to our school family as needed based on class and age level. Our counselor , Jennifer, other staff members and a crisis team will provide additional emotional support to children who need it for as long as necessary in the days ahead.

As we try to help our children cope with this death, here are a few ideas that may help in talking to your child. In addition to the need for information that is clear and understandable, it is necessary for your child to be able to express his/her feelings and have them recognized.

A child’s understanding of death changes with age and experience. Preschool- and kindergarten-age children usually see death as temporary. Those ages 6 to 8 generally understand the child will not return and death is universal (it could happen to me). Children ages 9 to 12 do understand the reality of death and may be curious about the biological aspects of death. Children 13 years of age and older fully understand the concept of death and perceive death on an adult level and will mourn accordingly.

Encourage your child to talk with the assurance that all feelings are okay; help your child feel supported by listening carefully and answering questions honestly. When we hear of another’s death, our own feelings about death often surface. Like adults, children think of their own experiences and feelings about death. Remember that these feelings may focus on the person who has recently died, someone who died previously, an impending death, or anxiety about death in general.

You may wish to talk about your religious beliefs and explain death in those terms; in that way, the loss may make more sense and be more acceptable to your child.

When faced with the death of someone close to them, children may go through four stages of grief: 1) numbness 2) disorganization that may show itself with crying, loss of sleep or appetite, irritability, or apathy; 3) grieving in which the child may express fear, sadness, fear of abandonment, or anger; 4) acceptance. Do not be afraid to express your feelings of sadness. Encourage your child to reminisce about his/her experiences with Alex.

You may want to consider the following when talking with your child: 

• Allow for your child to talk about feelings. If this is the first loss your child has experienced, your child may not know how to respond and will be looking for your guidance.
• Affirm all expressions. It’s okay to express feelings honestly. Tolerate the expressions rather than dismissing them or discouraging the expression of feelings.
• Encourage written expressions such notes, letters, pictures to the family etc.
• Reaffirm that your child is safe and that your child is loved.
• Affirm that your child’s reaction is normal and you understand the way the child feels.
• Watch for signs of trouble such as aggression, withdrawal etc.
• Help the children return to as normal routine as possible.

 Our deepest sympathies go to Alex’s family. We care deeply for all involved.  Please feel free to contact us with any concerns.